Aww, Fish Sticks!
by CraftyNotepad
Summary: More's at stake than sloppy joes this time.
1. The Appetizer

Disclaimer: I know it's hard to swallow, but I don't own Phil of the Future.

Authors note: It's great to see all the new countries reading Phil the Future showing up in the story stats. Welcome. Thanks also go out to Aww for submitting a review to Flowers and Chocolates, and to Boris Yeltsin for continuing to be here for authors. - CraftyNotepad

Aww, Fish Sticks!

Chapter 1 - The Appetizer

Running madly down the halls, the high-pitched screams of Neil's voice were trailing a good three feet behind him, as he rushed into the janitor's closet, before wedging it close to the mop. Plop! Plop! Plop! Those weren't his screams catching up with him. Those were tomatoes ceasing their flight path against the secured door. Their scarlet, liquidy contents escaped only to torment him from underneath the door.

"Why me?" Vice Principal Hackett pleaded to an empty and unsympathetic closet. This was worse than the November Fish Stick Rebellion. If there hadn't have been so much time off in November and a couple more weeks the next month, well, Neil knew he might not have won that one. This was not his fault, Shirley. It must have been caused by the budget cutbacks – no, it was Diffy's fault.

This all started, with Chef DuPree. "Hey, maybe I could blame the chef?" Hackett mused aloud. It was the chef's obsession with blackening of everything on the students' menu, from fish fillets to burritos which led to today's trouble; that, and Diffy. Even if the blackened fare was low in fat and okay on calories, once Keely Teslow featured H. G. Wells Jr./Sr. High's culinary leader on her new morning report feature segment, Keely Teslow's Talks to Teachers, the phrase "dipped in melted butter" was all the newly health conscious school board needed to hear to demand he make the school make immediate changes. Despite being busted for extortion (or perhaps partly due to her broadcasted broom-pushing penance), students listened to the younger Diffy, listened to her lies. "Blackened" meaning "burnt," indeed! Hackett removed the no longer warm plastic sandwich bag from his pocket, opening it to catch even a whiff of the wondrous aroma held captive within - blackened breakfast sausages. He had four left, and - another tomato wen splat against the door, only to be joined by the halt of footsteps. They had reached him, and their demands for him to exit the closet began. Vibrations from their fists pounding on the other side of the door reverbrated in his back as he sat on the floor, pushing against the assaulted door, his feet balancing upon the outside of round, wheeled mop bucket, now pinned between his shoes and the opposite wall.

Now, there were three left. The remaining piece of the fourth was now rolling in his mouth like an unchewed Tootsie Roll. He deserved these last pleasures, didn't he? In the army, he had learned that a soldier had a right to a cigarette before his firing squad - bad thought. Another sausage would soothe his frazzled nerves. Two remaining, he thought, both sausages and nerves left, and when he thought of "nerve," he pictured Pim Diffy. If only he hadn't taken the easy way out. Sure, the Board hadn't actually ordered Hackett to improve on the school lunch; perpetually non-present Principal Tillywack had passed the buck onto Neil by default. Neil scratched his challenged scalp, wondering as he often did, "since school principals are allotted vice principals to dump task they don't care for, why aren't vice-principals also given vice-vice-principals or quarter principles or somebody to pass along unsavory duties to?"

Maybe that's the way it will work in the future, he comforted and self with, but in the present, he was stuck with either doing it himself or dealing with Pim Diffy. Pim had a plan. Pim always had a plan. (More of a scheme) 1st, she told that she needed access to all student records. Hackett was suspicious, and believed this would was only an attempt to change her D- in modern dance/ventriloquism third period. He was wrong again.

In the beginning, like all her plans, everything came across as legitimate. Pim proposed that students at lunch be grouped alphabetically in various departments; the school board approved. The next day, every student at H. G. Wells was issued a classroom to go to to have lunch. Keely was upset and Phil wasn't thrilled that they were not assigned to the same room, but as they worked on news stories for the school, they still had access to the newsroom and they enjoyed eating alone anyway. Other students weren't so fortunate.

They were assigned alphabetically all right, but not simply by last name. No, Pim had grouped everyone alphabetically by their report card grades, as well. A students got to eat first, and had the classroom is nearest the cafeteria. The further someone's grades were down the alphabet below further down the hall was their lunchroom to wolf down was now a cold meal before the bell rang. What should've been taco Tuesdays for everyone, turned out to be. Butter and jelly smeared upon last week's biscuits for the academically challenged. Oh, Pim had sold the new nutrition system as a way to "raise test scores" - the 3 magic words that could get the school board to agree to anything. This was now day 3 and Neil Hackett was just thanking his lucky stars that the door was holding - what was that smell? Fish sticks?

Old Sausage Breath could definitely smell fish and chips as they were being wedged into the cracks about the door. They wouldn't dare!

They would. With the light absent from around the door, his world was plunged into darkness.


	2. Hard to Swallow

Disclaimer: So it's so mouthwatering it makes me drool over it. No matter, I don't own Phil of the Future.

Authors note: Have you looked up Phil of the Future cast members on IMDb recently to learn what they're up to? They've all been busy making new Phil of the Future episodes - NO, REALLY! For example, Raviv's listed as: "Ricky Ullman ... Phil Diffy 2004-2012." WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME THESE THINGS? I could have been watching new episodes for the last six years! Oh, well, hanging around here is almost as good. Thanks Everyone!

I hope you're not too full for second helping of fish sticks, because Chapter 2 is ready to be served - even if it's:

Chapter 2 - Hard to Swallow

Sweat poured off of Vice-Principal Neil Hackett as the air became stuffy or in the closet. He couldn't help but listen to the students now, the chanting, the yelling, the insults permeated his little world. What he would give me back ballroom dancing right now.

It had taken a while, though he didn't know how long, for him to notice along with the pounding on the door behind him there were vibrations going on in his pants. Pulling out his cell phone, the dark closet lit up. Light, hope, somebody loved him. It was Pim.

"Mr. Hackett, this was to be expected. Any time, a new system is tried out, there is bound to be those who resist change. Don't worry about a thing. In five or six months, everyone will be used to the new system."

" In five or six months, Pim? In less than four months the school year will be over!"

"See? No problem. Well, gotta go. I've got homework, unless you'd like to excuse me from that dweebie community service requirement?"

"Never. I'll see you boiled in - excuse me. I have another call."

Oh, great. It's that Teslow girl. Sometimes I don't know which blonde is a bigger pain in the - "Hi Keely. Nice of you to call. What's new with you?"

"Hi Mr. Hackett, it's Keely, and you're on live with Keely Teslow on 'Keely Teslow's Talks to Teachers.' 'Army career,' 'ballroom dancer,' 'high school teacher' - is there anything in your past that has help you prepare for this moment?"

"Well, I was married."

"And how do did that prepare you?"

"It didn't. But this makes the pain of my divorce seen insignificant now. Thanks kids. Please, somebody call the cops or at least the fire department."

"So, with all the resources available to you at our school, and the time you had in your own personal reflection room, have you decided to rescind the new lunchtime system?"

"Absolutely." Mr. Hackett rose to his feet, and started pounding on the door just as vigorously as the students on the other side. "I'll be good. Just let me out!"

"You've heard it here first, classmates. The new lunchtime policy has been abolished. This is Keely Teslow hoping all of our lunches will be happier tomorrow."

"And clear," announced Phil, knowing that this was only half the battle. Pim still had to be dealt with, and so did the district if they were ever going to have good tasting cafeteria food ever again.


End file.
